


Because death is the only thing that could’ve kept him from you

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, F/M, Hello would you like some feelings with your breakfast cereal, a bit of angst, an attempt at emotional smut (lol), happy birth month sonic ily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 02:12:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14945666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: “I should tell you,” she whispered after a while, the silence echoing around them. “I’ve earned my pardon from prison. I go out in two weeks.”His hands froze at her back as he took in the news, the content smile sliding from his face. He found it difficult to swallow the lump in his throat that had formed at that and he felt like he’d been so suddenly knocked off his feet - he struggled to remain calm even as the air left his lungs, struggled against the urge to gasp and pant while River was still near to him. Because a River pardoned from prison was a River that was one step closer to becoming a Professor - a River one step closer to the Library. His grip on her tightened and she inhaled sharply, her head coming up.





	Because death is the only thing that could’ve kept him from you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sonictrowel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonictrowel/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTH MONTH SONIC!!!!!! I hope you like this story!!! Thank you for putting up with all of the server’s shit and thank you for being our server mom ily <3
> 
> Also blame Katie for the extremely rude title. :katie_posseses_elmo:

The Doctor looked over to his wife, settled amongst pillows and blankets by the fireplace. She was writing down her daily diary entry, recounting the adventure they had had in the morning - not that it was much of an adventure. It mostly consisted of dropping off the Ponds in Leadworth, and River distracting him with her warm kisses as she pushed him onto the jump seat and straddled his lap. He was quite happy to cooperate with her since she’d stubbornly refused to sleep with him while her parents were in the Tardis, so he didn’t mind much. Especially when River was in his arms, all nice and warm and soft against him.

 

It didn’t take long for her hands to slide up his shirt and find his bow tie, never breaking their kiss as she tugged on the loose end. His hands found hers, still holding the bow tie and taking the long strip of cloth away from her. He pulled back, wrapping one end of the tie around her palm and the other around his, lacing their fingers together and kissing the back of her hand gently. She bit her lip, tilting her head as she watched him with soft eyes. He surged forward, crashing his lips to hers as her free hand started expertly unbuttoning his shirt.

 

He pulled away from her far enough to look into her eyes, muttering softly, “I missed you.”

 

She smiled at him, pressing another small kiss to his lips as she undid the final button on his shirt. Her fingers caressed his stomach gently as she bent her head to nip at his neck. He sighed softly, his hands trailing down to her thighs to tug her closer.

 

How he missed this. How he missed her. He loved his Ponds but whenever River came around (not nearly often enough to begin with) he found himself selfishly wishing for as much time alone with her as possible. In between working to earn her pardon and - well, _prison_  - he hadn’t spent nearly enough time with her lately. And travelling with River and the Ponds was all well and good, but what was the point of having his wife come over if she wouldn’t even sleep in the same bed as him?

 

So he was quite happy to see the Ponds off, even if it was only for a week. River’s hands found the front of his trousers and began stroking lightly, and his grip on her tightened. Oh, he was _definitely_  happy that he’d seen the Ponds off.

 

“Doctor, Amy said she left one of her - _oh_!”

 

Apparently the universe didn’t want him to be happy.

 

River and the Doctor swivelled their heads around to see who’d interrupted them - and at the sight of Rory, red-faced and jaw dropped, his expression a mixture of horror and embarrassment, the Doctor groaned loudly, dropping his head onto River’s shoulder.

 

Once the Doctor had buttoned up his shirt and River had left to retrieve whatever it was that Amy had forgotten, he turned to see Rory staring at the Tardis doors with his back towards him.

 

“Uh - Rory, I -” he started, his ears turning red.

 

“Whatever you do with River when you’re alone isn’t my business, Doctor.” Rory said firmly, still not turning around. “You do not have to explain anything to me.”

 

“Er- right.” Said the Doctor awkwardly, his face flushing even more at Rory’s forced nonchalance. “Thank you.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” He said, finally turning around as River appeared again, a colourful scarf in hand that she held out to her father. “Thank you,” he muttered to River, before he turned back to the Doctor to look him in the eye. “I’m serious. Do _not_  mention it. Ever. Have fun.”

 

Before either of them could even open their mouths to reply, he disappeared out the door.

 

“Well, that was _hilarious_.” River laughed, walking around to the console and beginning to press a few buttons.

 

“ _River_ ,” he groaned. “That was all your fault. And where are we going?”

 

“Excuse me, sweetie, but _you_  weren’t complaining.” She replied smartly. “And I’ve parked us in the vortex. More privacy.”

 

“River, how can I complain when you’re all -” he gestured wildly at her, limbs flying around the air and almost hitting her in the face. “On me?”

 

River raised her eyebrows at him. He flushed.

 

“Hard to resist you.” He muttered.

 

“Mmm,” she hummed her approval at his reply, reaching out to take his hand. She tugged him closer, pulling his arms around her.“Come on then, you can find me all irresistible in our bedroom.”

 

The Doctor’s face split into a grin as he bent down to kiss her.

 

*

 

They didn’t make it to the bedroom. They hadn’t been patient enough, tearing clothes off each other’s skin and ripping buttons off of shirts. Their clothes were scattered across the Tardis hallway and when they were both finally, blessedly bare, the Doctor just couldn’t wait any longer. He pushed her up against the nearest door and had his way with her.

 

When they finally stumbled past the door and into the room, the Doctor barely registered the fact that they were in his study before River knelt down in front of him and all coherent thought fell from his mind.

 

A few hours later, when they were both already cooled down from their recent activities and River was starting to shiver in his arms, he pushed himself off the couch where they’d fallen and started the fire in the fireplace. He brought out several pillows and blankets from the cupboards and dumped them in front of the fire, settling down on them as he beckoned River over. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer as she pulled the blanket over their bodies.

 

“This is nice,” he whispered, trailing patterns all over her arms. “Couldn’t do this with the Ponds around.”

 

She laughed, burying her face in his neck. “No, you definitely couldn’t.”

 

They stayed silent for a while as he continued stroking her skin gently, tracing their names in Gallifreyan over and over on her back. Her hands remained by his hearts, feeling them beat against his ribs as she pressed occasional kisses to his pulse point.

 

“I should tell you,” she whispered after a while, the silence echoing around them. “I’ve earned my pardon from prison. I go out in two weeks.”

 

His hands froze at her back as he took in the news, the content smile sliding from his face. He found it difficult to swallow the lump in his throat that had formed at that and he felt like he’d been so suddenly knocked off his feet - he struggled to remain calm even as the air left his lungs, struggled against the urge to gasp and pant while River was still near to him. Because a River pardoned from prison was a River that was one step closer to becoming a Professor - a River one step closer to the Library. His grip on her tightened and she inhaled sharply, her head coming up.

 

“What’s the matter, sweetie?” She asked. He forced a smile at her but she frowned, examining his features carefully - he knew that she could see right through him. “I’d have thought you’d be happy - you _have_  been complaining about spending a lot of time apart, Doctor.”

 

“I am,” he said, managing a genuine smile for her - she wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. That was something, at least. He pressed a kiss to her eyebrow.“Very happy.”

 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, pulling away from him. “And don’t lie to me. You’ve never been good at that.”

 

“It’s nothing.” He said hurriedly, but she crooked an eyebrow at him and he sighed heavily. “Honestly, River, I - it’s spoilers.”

 

Well, it was the truth. She couldn’t know what had happened to her. What will happen to her.

 

“Will I lose - did _you_ lose someone, when I’ve already gotten out of Stormcage?” She asked, hesitation evident in her tone as she tried to gauge his reaction. “Is that why you’re upset?”

 

The heavy silence hung in the air around them as she waited for an answer. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to answer that question? How was he supposed to tell her what she was slowly approaching, that he was slowly inching towards a life without her?

 

Her eyes flickered with disappointment at the lack of an answer and he swallowed roughly - she was right, he _couldn’t_  lie to her, not when she was older.

 

“Yes,” he breathed out finally, his voice hoarse. She looked surprised by his answer but pleased as well. “Someone - someone really important.”

 

Her eyes flashed with a cloud of sympathy. She raised a hand to his face, stroking his cheek softly and tenderly. He leant into her touch, closing his eyes tightly against the feel of her gentle fingertips on his skin. He couldn’t handle her looking at him with pity and love when _she_ was the one he’d lose. His wife, who died to save him and thousands of others she barely knew when he failed to find a way out.

 

He felt rather than saw her coming nearer, closer and closer until her lips came in contact with his cheek. It wasn’t until then he realised that he’d been crying, and that she was kissing away his tears.

 

“It’s okay, sweetie.” She whispered, her lips brushing against his. “You’re okay.”

 

He opened his eyes, staring at her. River had always, _always_  been the better half of them, no matter how hard she tried to hide under that ‘hardened convict’ facade. She was quick, clever, brave and kind and somehow, by some goddamn miracle, she had chosen to love _him_.

 

“Yes I am,” he whispered back, his hands sliding up her bare back as he pressed his lips to hers more firmly. She was alive, she was here, he was holding her close and kissing her. That was all that mattered. “Always, when I’m with you.”

 

She smiled against his lips, moaning contentedly as he pushed her down against the soft pillows and fluffy blankets. He kissed her thoroughly, holding himself above her as his tongue stroked hers. Her hands reached up to cup his face, stroking his cheeks gently as they kissed, soft and tender and loving.

 

It was different this time, compared to their fast and frantic union against the study door. It was slower, gentler, more indulgent with soft caresses and breathy sighs escaping their lips as their hands moved lower and lower.

 

River loved it when the Doctor was in this sort of mood - when he would kiss her like she was beautiful, gaze at her like she was the most merciful goddess, touch her like he couldn’t quite believe he was allowed to. The pure, molten desire and love that littered his every action made her almost forget about everything else - forget that he was getting younger, forget that it wasn’t as easy for him to fall for her as it was for her to fall for him, forget that every time she saw him she was one step closer to losing him. No matter his age, whenever the Doctor made love to her like that, it always felt the same.

 

“ _Sweetie_ ,” she sighed breathlessly as his mouth descended to her neck, his hands reaching up to cup her breast gently. He nipped on the sensitive spot below her ear and she gasped softly.

 

“River.” He moaned back, his voice the very definition of reverent, his touch a picture of devotion. “You are _beautiful_.”

 

She managed a small smile before his lips started trailing soft kisses down her neck and shoulders, finally wrapping themselves around a nipple. She let out a hoarse moan and arched her back into his mouth, her hands falling to her sides to grip the blankets tightly.

 

When he started moving lower, she shook her head, hands gripping his shoulders to pull him up above her again. While she loved his intention, it wasn’t what she wanted, not now - she wanted to feel him on top of her as he moved slowly inside her. She wanted to feel his lips on hers, wanted to hear him moan and groan and pant in her ear. She wanted to know that she made him feel as good as he always made her feel.

 

“Come here,” she breathed out, as he braced himself above her on his elbows.

 

He stared down at her, golden curls and honeyed skin illuminated by the firelight, her eyes holding nothing but affection and desire and love for him. She was so, _so_  breathtaking, so completely mesmerising that he could hardly believe that she was lying beneath him. He swallowed roughly, his fingers reaching up to brush her hair out of her eyes. Those eyes.

 

Eyes that were filled with tears as she sat in an electric chair connecting wires and cables; eyes that had begged and pleaded as desperately as her own voice had, for him not to change a single thing from their time together; eyes that had haunted him, taunted him - because they belonged to the one person he cherished the most. The one person he couldn’t save.

 

“Doctor?” She asked, concerned at the sight of tears in his eyes, blurring his vision. He blinked them away rapidly, praying that they would stay gone - he couldn’t afford tears clouding his sight. He had to spend whatever time they had left looking at every inch of her. “Doctor, why’re you -”

 

He cut her off with his lips, not willing to lie to her or tell her another half-truth. His fingers curled in her hair, holding her head close as he kissed her urgently, because he could do it now - he could pour his hearts and his soul and his every breath into her, and hope that it was enough to keep her alive.

 

His lips trailed to her cheek, pressing his face to hers as he felt her hips buck needily underneath him. His eyes still burned with tears but he hid them from her, letting his eyes fall shut as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

 

“ _Doctor_ ,” she pleaded. “Please.”

 

He slid into her, groaning quietly into her hair as hot tears fell from his cheeks. She cried out softly, turning her head to capture his lips in another tender kiss. She gasped softly when she felt the tears on his face, pulling back but not away.

 

“Sweetie,” she started, her eyes wide with concern as she stroked his cheek. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not feeling -”

 

“No! No, that isn’t why I’m -” he sighed, dropping his forehead to hers. She waited patiently for him to continue as her hand slid down his face to cup his neck instead. He paused, taking a moment to just look at her - his amazing River. He knew what he felt for her, what he would _always_  feel for her - but he couldn’t seem to find the right words to tell her. So instead he let his actions show her how much he loved her. “I want you.”

 

She nodded. “I want you too.”

 

He started moving his hips slowly, pulling out and pushing in again gently as her eyes slid shut from the pleasure. He watched her, completely lost in the way her mouth dropped open and she gasped and moaned and sighed each time he pushed back inside her.

 

“I - you -” he struggled, trying to find the right words to describe how much she meant to him. He slowed down his pace, just barely moving, as she opened her eyes to look up at him, and he smiled a little. River always had that effect on him - one simple look was enough to make the corners of his mouth turn upwards. “You make me feel so...” he lowered his face to press a kiss to the tip of her nose. “Loved.” He whispered, looking right into her eyes.

 

“Because you are,” she whispered back.

 

“You are too, you know.” He said. Her eyes widened and he smiled brighter at her, his eyes moving over her face, memorising the way she looked. “So much. So, _so_  much, River.”

 

“Doctor, you are -” but whatever reply she had on her lips was cut off with his, crashing down on her with a passionate kiss. He kissed her desperately, thrusting harder but maintaining the same slow pace that she loved. She panted into his mouth at each thrust, her legs travelling higher and hooking themselves around his back. She moaned at the deeper angle, hips jerking up to meet his every thrust.

 

When their lips finally parted he could see the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, and he leant down to kiss them away, just like she’d done with his. It wouldn’t take long for either of them to finish, he could tell, because they were both so emotionally high strung. So he thrust harder and harder, deeper and deeper inside her until she was moaning incoherently beneath him.

 

Soon, they were both panting and moaning, crying out loudly as their hips slammed against each other. He dropped his head to her shoulder, shutting his eyes tightly and burying his face in her neck. This was perfect. She was _perfect_.

 

She came right before he did throwing her head back and arching her back off the blankets, screaming her release into the air. He shouted her name, his voice hoarse and rough, his face pressing deeper into her neck as he came.

 

He collapsed on top of her, both of them sweaty and panting. He made to move off of her, afraid of crushing her with his weight but she pulled him tighter against her, craving the comfort of having him so near.

 

“Don’t move away.” She murmured, arms wrapping around his neck to keep him in place.

 

He nodded, but rolled them over so that she was on top, tugging her down to press sweet kisses onto her lips. He tugged the blanket up over their bodies, making sure that she was covered before his head fell back on the pillows behind him.

 

They lay together, her head on his chest and his fingers combing through her hair gently, basking in the afterglow. The Doctor could tell that River was getting sleepy, and truth be told, so was he - but he was determined to stay awake to watch her for even just a little while.

 

Her breathing slowed and the Doctor was beginning to think that she’d fallen asleep, but he saw her fingers curl tightly around the edge of the blanket and she asked, so softly he almost missed it, “Who were they to you?”

 

“What?” He asked, genuinely confused. He raised his head to look at her.

 

She blinked, avoiding his gaze and staring past him into the fire instead. “The person you lost. Who were they to you?”

 

_Everything_ , he wanted to say. But he couldn’t. So he shut his eyes and sighed, his head falling back onto his pillows as he threaded his fingers through his hair.

 

“River, you know I can’t tell you.” He said softly, and he heard her let out a sigh.

 

“I know,” she said quietly, pressing an apologetic kiss above his hearts. “I’m sorry.”

 

He nodded, his hand returning to her curls.

 

“You will be there, won’t you?” She asked, and this time there wasn’t any hesitation in her voice - she was just asking for confirmation. “Until the end?”

 

He licked his lips, suddenly dry as sudden images of ‘the end’ - _her_  end - filled his mind - ‘ _Hush now - spoilers_.’ He closed his eyes against the memory, taking in deep breaths. There was still time. She was still here.

 

“Yes.” He answered, his voice hoarse as he tried to squash down the growing urge to lock the Tardis doors and keep River here forever with him.

 

“Good.” She said, sitting up and straddling his stomach. She gave him a small smile, her hands sliding up his chest to cup his cheek. “I love you.”

 

She’d long since stopped expecting an answer from him whenever she uttered those words to him - but it didn’t matter now, because she knew. She knew he loved her as much as he could, and that was more than she had ever been able to ask of him.

 

He caught her hand as she moved away, pressing one kiss to her open palm. “Where’re you going?”

 

“Washing up.” She said, getting off of him and heading towards the door.

 

“Don’t take long or I’ll start to miss you.”

 

She snorted. “You’re just afraid that you’ll fall into the fireplace without me.”

 

“Oi!”

 

The last thing he heard before the door slammed shut was the sound of her laughter echoing in the Tardis corridor.

 

*

 

They didn’t end up sleeping for an entire week. Once they’d finally left the comfort of fluffy pillows, warm blankets and the fireplace, he’d insisted on celebrating her newfound freedom.

 

“Honestly, Doctor, there’s no need.” She said, watching him get dressed from their bed. “It’s not like I’d be doing anything different - just that at the end of the day I’ll return to better food and cleaner sheets.”

 

“But River!” He pouted, buttoning up his shirt. “Better food and cleaner sheets are fantastic reasons to celebrate! Please,” he pleaded, sitting down on the bed next to her, smiling at the amused grin on her face. “I know a place you’d _love_.”

 

“That’s what you always say, Doctor.” She laughed, raising a sceptic eyebrow. “And when we arrive, suddenly the Sontarans and the Cybermen have formed an alliance and are declaring war on the planet we just _happened_  to be on.”

 

“It’s not _that_  type of place.” He promised, grinning like an idiot.

 

“It isn’t?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“What type of place is it then?”

 

He leant in to place a kiss on her lips, nudging her nose with his playfully.

 

“The type that people would get married in.” He whispered against her mouth, smiling when he felt her gasp into his. He pulled away, smiling even wider at the dazed expression on her face. “So, what do you say, wife? Want to renew our vows?”

 

She shook her head, a warm chuckle escaping her lips. “How could I say no to that, sweetie?”

 

*

 

The remainder of the week was spent in the Tardis, a mini honeymoon to celebrate the renewal of their wedding vows - the 64th time for him, the 49th time for her. It had been a beautiful ceremony - just the two of them, with their bow tie wrapped around their hands and the dazzling light of twelve moons surrounding them. River wore his favourite green dress, the happiest smile on her face as she whispered his name in his ear, declaring that he was loved by no one more than her. He wore his best suit, holding her hands close to his hearts as he said her name and promised that he was hers, always and completely.

 

After a few hours of dancing together at various Stevie Wonder concerts, they stumbled into the Tardis, feet sore but hearts full as he pushed her back against the console and bent his head to give her a passionate kiss. Four days wasn’t nearly enough time for a full, proper, honeymoon, so they’d settled on staying in their bedroom, enjoying rare moments alone without any commitments hindering their time together.

 

When the time came to drop River off at Stormcage, the Doctor lingered by her cell doors. This was always the hardest part - leaving her behind, in prison. Though he knew that she could handle herself, he would prefer that she was out there, everywhere, doing everything she wanted to before she had to make that final trip to the Library.

 

“Don’t forget,” he said, bopping her nose gently. “Call me - two weeks. I’ll pick you up for your proper 49th honeymoon.”

 

“Can’t wait.” She grinned. She reached out a hand to tug at his shirt, pulling him in for one last kiss. “Give me something to look forward to when I get out, yeah?”

 

He nodded, pressing a kiss to her cheek gently. A plan was already forming in his mind as he walked backwards towards the Tardis, a determined smile on his face.

 

“Don’t worry, honey. This one will be the best honeymoon to date.” He promised, a giddy laugh escaping his lips as he wondered how long River would be able to stay and travel with him - once she was out of prison, she wouldn’t have anymore commitments, would she? Besides actually becoming a Professor, but it’ll keep. It’ll keep for a long, long time.

 

With one last smile and wave, he disappeared into the Tardis. He had a honeymoon to plan.

**Author's Note:**

> So I’m very sorry I couldn’t come up with something better but I tried my best and I hope you like it!! It’s not so much fluff like I promised but I compromised and made it emotional instead, well - to the best of my ability, anyway. 
> 
> The server is blessed with your presence every day sonic, and we all love you very very much <3 :)


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